The burden, the crushing weight of carrying old pain. Over time, it becomes less noticeable, as it becomes something we are accustomed to carrying. We don’t even notice how heavy we have become.

Old hurts, past resentments colour our view. We see the world in dark shadows of things people did to us and things they didn’t do.

Photo taken by Thalita Angelika, Nepal 2016.

We feel the pain others have done to us and as soon as it comes up in conversation we have no problem casting the blame on the other person. ‘It is because they did this or that. Or didn’t do this or that’. The problem is always on the outside. 

It eats us up inside and we are constantly reminded of the pain every time we see something that reminds us of that person or that incident. As much as we think by staying angry it will be resolved, it festers and grows. It begins to take over our thoughts, our future and our life. We being to avoid reminders of the situation in a hope that if we don’t let it get too close to us, it cant hurt us or maybe that it never happened.  Like a burning fire, we watch it and hide from it, but the shadows are always there.

The conflict is, that the fire is burning within us. The resentment and anger is within and we cannot escape it. The more we resist, the more it will persist. Eventually the anger and resentment change how we think, changing our character and then that heaviness, like a thick black blanket becomes our skin.

To even begin to forgive, we have to first notice the pain we are carrying. We have to stop for a moment in the rush hour of our life and allow ourselves to actually feel what is going on. We are not numb, we are avoiding it. We are disassociating from the pain because we think it is easier. But it is not, the pain lasts longer and we are its prisoner. 

Until we decide to feel it. 

Once we feel it, then we can choose to move through it. We feel the sensations of anger, of resentment, we watch it., observe it. Allow the heat to rise from within and then cool without running away. We watch. We watch. We watch and we don’t react. 

The mirages we believed to be so real, begin to loose their heat and eventually fade away and we see reality as it truly is, rather than what we believed it to be.

Over time, the anger becomes less. Its intensity diminishes, the fire becomes a flame. We may begin to see the other person in a new light. We may begin to see their pain, their vulnerability, their reasoning. When we are not clouded by the smoke of our anger, we can see the world through the other persons eyes. A spark of compassion may become a light, seeing, but more importantly feeling that this person did this because they were in pain – they were not aware of their actions – they were distorted and distracted. That their own pain had caused them to spread pain everywhere around them. In that moment, we may even become aware of how our own pain had caused us to cause pain around us. 

That whatever reality we have within, is the reality we have without. 

The compassion arises for others and for self. Slowly the knots of hate begin to untangle and the love begins to pour in. 

We see that we are creating our own hell. We see that we don’t really know what we are doing. We being to understand that we are all trying our best and we are imperfect. That we do fall, that we all hurt, but that we all can rise again.

We can forgive, we can let go and we can move on. The heaviness will fade away when we stop holding on so tightly to the pain and instead choose to feel and let the wisdom arise from that pain. 

Side note: 

For the mind – meditation can help one to forgive, to overcome resentment, anger and hate. For the body it is important to nourish the liver and gallbladder as these are the organs that deal with these emotions. Liver and gallbladder herbs, acupuncture, acupressure, EFT etc. For the soul – Honopono is a wonderful practice. I have included the instructions for it in my book. 

I am sorry

I forgive you.

I thank you.

I love you.

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