It has been trending on social media to get rid of toxic people in your life. Have you seen it? Read about it? What are your thoughts about it?
It doesn’t feel good to me.
It feels like its extreme and one sided and doesn’t feel like its coming from a place of love and acceptance but rather anger and rejection.
In my experience, hurting people hurt people. Once I did the healing work and the forgiveness I realized it was never about me. It was never personal and I also had a part to play in it. When we are still angry, hurt and resentful it is almost impossible to see the situation with clarity.
Sometimes we do not get along with people, we may grow away from people, we may not have the same values anymore and that is okay. We may even get in an argument with them and not want to talk to them anymore. They may have a different lifestyle than us. They may have hurt us. They may do things we don’t agree with. They may have abused us.
Still, I don’t feel like its right to label them as toxic. Toxic is such a strong word and how would you feel if someone called you toxic… it would suck. Especially if you are already struggling and suffering with your situation.
When we label someone as toxic we are feeding energy into separation, into the problem that caused the pain in the first place. That they are bad, impure, something is wrong with them and usually it is coming from a place of we are better, we know best, we are healthy. We are above and they are below.
Everyone goes through bad times, everyone does things that may not be good. But it doesn’t make them toxic people. It is an impermanent state and they can and probably will change at some point in time (when they are ready, not by someone pushing them to change). I have done things in my past I am not proud of, we all have. I may have been toxic to someone at some point in my life without evening knowing it but it doesn’t make me a toxic person.
Actions, thoughts and behaviours can be life improving or diminishing but it’s not necessary good or bad. Maybe they need to go through this to learn something. We are no one to judge what is right or wrong for someone. Everyone is travelling a journey we know nothing about and we cannot judge it. We are in the picture so it can be hard to see the whole picture.
It is important we make boundaries and take care of ourselves, and we may not wish to socialize with people one may label as ‘toxic’, but we don’t need to call them that, they may have negative thoughts, emotions, desires. They may be ignorant and in pain but they are still human and we need to treat them as human beings. The golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. EVEN if you are hurt by someone.
Inclusion, not exclusion. Separation creates pain. Outcasting creates pain. Usually, what is needed most is LOVE. Once you emotionally distance yourself from the situation, heal yourself and forgive, you will most likely see at some point that they were pain, were probably reacting from some trauma in their life and it was nothing personal. It was never about you. We probably were colator damage, hurt in the wake of the destruction.
However, I do understand and have been in that place myself that I do not have the inner strength to be centred and am vulnerable to influences that are life diminishing for me and so I had to take my distance. I think doing that can be an act of self love. But I don’t think we need to label the other and put the blame on the other. We can be spiritually mature and own it.
Every situation is unique. Sometimes we have to leave relationships – of course. But I only ask we don’t label them as toxic people, rather it was not a beneficial relationship, the situation wasn’t healthy etc. I do not think it’s just about them, we also were a part of the situation and have ownership to par take in. We also learned something. Let’s not box them in with a label, they are free to change their state.
What are your thoughts on this?
How do we be compassionate and also have healthy boundaries?
What do you feel about being compassionate with ‘toxic’ people?