#Realtalk- Compassion & Toxic People

Toxic people…

It has been trending on social media to get rid of toxic people in your life. Have you seen it? Read about it? What are your thoughts about it?

It doesn’t feel good to me.

It feels like its extreme and one sided and doesn’t feel like its coming from a place of love and acceptance but rather anger and rejection.

In my experience, hurting people hurt people. Once I did the healing work and the forgiveness I realized it was never about me. It was never personal and I also had a part to play in it. When we are still angry, hurt and resentful it is almost impossible to see the situation with clarity.

Sometimes we do not get along with people, we may grow away from people, we may not have the same values anymore and that is okay. We may even get in an argument with them and not want to talk to them anymore. They may have a different lifestyle than us. They may have hurt us. They may do things we don’t agree with. They may have abused us.

Still, I don’t feel like its right to label them as toxic. Toxic is such a strong word and how would you feel if someone called you toxic… it would suck. Especially if you are already struggling and suffering with your situation.

When we label someone as toxic we are feeding energy into separation, into the problem that caused the pain in the first place. That they are bad, impure, something is wrong with them and usually it is coming from a place of we are better, we know best, we are healthy. We are above and they are below.

Everyone goes through bad times, everyone does things that may not be good. But it doesn’t make them toxic people. It is an impermanent state and they can and probably will change at some point in time (when they are ready, not by someone pushing them to change). I have done things in my past I am not proud of, we all have. I may have been toxic to someone at some point in my life without evening knowing it but it doesn’t make me a toxic person.

Actions, thoughts and behaviours can be life improving or diminishing but it’s not necessary good or bad. Maybe they need to go through this to learn something. We are no one to judge what is right or wrong for someone. Everyone is travelling a journey we know nothing about and we cannot judge it. We are in the picture so it can be hard to see the whole picture.

It is important we make boundaries and take care of ourselves, and we may not wish to socialize with people one may label as ‘toxic’, but we don’t need to call them that, they may have negative thoughts, emotions, desires. They may be ignorant and in pain but they are still human and we need to treat them as human beings. The golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. EVEN if you are hurt by someone.

Compassion.

Inclusion, not exclusion. Separation creates pain. Outcasting creates pain. Usually, what is needed most is LOVE. Once you emotionally distance yourself from the situation, heal yourself and forgive, you will most likely see at some point that they were pain, were probably reacting from some trauma in their life and it was nothing personal. It was never about you. We probably were colator damage, hurt in the wake of the destruction.

However, I do understand and have been in that place myself that I do not have the inner strength to be centred and am vulnerable to influences that are life diminishing for me and so I had to take my distance. I think doing that can be an act of self love. But I don’t think we need to label the other and put the blame on the other. We can be spiritually mature and own it.

Every situation is unique. Sometimes we have to leave relationships – of course. But I only ask we don’t label them as toxic people, rather it was not a beneficial relationship, the situation wasn’t healthy etc. I do not think it’s just about them, we also were a part of the situation and have ownership to par take in. We also learned something. Let’s not box them in with a label, they are free to change their state.

What are your thoughts on this?

How do we be compassionate and also have healthy boundaries?

What do you feel about being compassionate with ‘toxic’ people?


How to Gain Energy in your Life

Why are we all so tired? Coffee is one of best selling products globally and people are so heavily reliant on it. Why is our world so tired? We do less p1ae700d6cf0c2aa02cb27cafeb35c181.jpghysical work than previous generations and yet many of us complain there isn’t enough time in the day, that we are too tired by the end of the day to do activities we enjoy.

Could it be that we try to fit too many things into the day? That we have too many applications running, too many e-mails to read and that we are overloaded? That our minds have not evolved to deal with the excess amount of data input that we need to process?

Could it be that what we are doing isn’t feeding us? That we are only feeding our wallets rather than our souls and our heart’s desire? Perhaps our ‘being tired’ is only an excuse so that we do not do what we actually dream of doing. Rather than facing our dreams we procrastinate them and say we do not have the energy. Our dreams become a plan B, instead of our only plan.

Many of us are struggling with low energy and so I wanted to give some insights and tips on how we can gain our energy back!

  • Do activities every day that feeds your heart. It can be as little as 5 minutes, but make sure you make time for pleasure in your day. Enjoy that cup of coffee as much as you can, soak in the aromas, feel the warmth against your tongue. Savor it. Soak in moments of laughter, the sun as you are walking to your destination. Be in the moment.
  • If there are things you greatly dislike doing, see if you can trade with someone else to do it. Doing things we dislike, drains us. See if it’s possible to either do it another way, do it another time or if you can pay someone else to do it. Sometimes it’s better to ask someone else that doesn’t mind to help, even when our mind gets in the way and says ‘we should do it all ourselves’.
  • If you can’t avoid doing something, see if you can change your attitude about it. Your attitude affects your whole day. See if you can shift it and allow the energy to flow, rather than resisting it. Also, working with the energy present; Sometimes it takes more energy to fight something than to actually do it.
  • Wanting to do too many things can drain your energy. Focus on one thing at a time. Don’t let your to-do list overwhelm you. Start with the priority and then move on. This applies to things you want to bring into your life. If you are trying to manifest a bunch of things it can be draining rather than fulfilling. Cut away from things that are not possible and feed the things that are possible. Also, cut away from things that you don’t actually want. If it has been over a year and you haven’t done it, it’s safe to say your not that interested. So, cut away from it so that you can regain energy and give that energy to something you actually want right now.
  • Open your mind to other possibilities. Perhaps the solution you have in your mind is draining your energy. See if you can think of another option that excites you!
  • Surround yourself with people that are fun to be around with. Your energy synergies with the energy of people around you. Hanging out with people that are complaining and have a negative outlook on life is draining. b893ded2c63b7645bac0ca653747100f.jpg
  • Eat whole foods, fresh foods that are full of prana, rather than anything preserved, canned and refined. Avoid refined sugar and refined foods as much as you can. If it’s been too altered your body won’t recognize it and it will drain your system.
  • Breath work- doing breath of fire, or alternate nostril breathing and deep breathing will help to fill you with vital energy. Also practicing Yoga helps. Many times we don’t need another coffee, we just need to open our lungs and take in some fresh air.
  • If your energy is low it helps to pray, chant, sing, play the drums, go into nature or connect with the divine. There are infinite amounts of energy out there but we have to connect with it, otherwise, we can run ourselves dry.
  • Have fun!! Being playful and doing things you love feeds you. Make your life about play and not work and your energy will dramatically shift!

 

Magic – The Real Power Behind Intention

Magic? What is it exactly? Hollywood and many authors have shown it as something witches and wizards possess. They use it to their advantage against innocent victims. It’s been presented in a very dark and twisted way. But it’s not like that at all!

Magic is mystical but it is positive and there are rules that come with using magic. What would we say magic is? I believe magic is a creation of desired events that appear miraculously because it transcends time and space in how it presents itself.

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How we do we get magic in our lives?

It comes through using the mind as a focused and precise channel for creation. 

Anyone is capable of making magic!

It is using your mind in a clear and focused way, channeling your intention in whatever you are doing and seeing (visualizing) your desired goal. Human beings were made in the image of God (as many monotheistic traditions say), that means we have the same capacity to create. However, our minds are full of thoughts. We create many things we don’t want because our thoughts are messy. We think about the problems we have, we focus on the drama or our dog ripping apart our sofa.When those thoughts get cleared with techniques like meditation and yoga then we begin to be able to focus on our thoughts in a constructive manner.

You are what you think and your dreams are directly correlated with how your life looks like. You can tell the limit of people’s thoughts by how their life is. If you believe something is impossible, it becomes impossible. The matrix is real and it is here and now, but it’s not in the way you think. It’s in your mind, not outside of you.  Your ability to control your thoughts directly impacts the environment around you.

A human being is a creator and they all possess the ability to manifest magic. 

It is believing that you have this ability, it is a belief in your ability to create, that allows this gift to blossom.

Magic is here and now and it’s only desire is for you to awaken and use it. You are powerful, you create everything around you both good and bad. What will you choose?

 Laws of Magic:

  • Do no harm.
  • Whatever you do will come back to you 3x times, either good or bad. So focus on the good
  • Make sure that you are not intending to interfere in anyone’s life or take away their free will
  • Be clear- affirm your intention strongly. If you don’t take it seriously, how can the universe?
  • visualize your intention as being a success, feel it, smell it, taste it. Engage all of your senses
  • Have fun 🙂

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How To Release Fear ( False Evidence Appearing Real)

Overcoming Fear- Shifting into Fearlessness

“Love is what we are born with, Fear is what we learn here”

 Fear is the partner of the Ego. Fear is an exaggerated form of reality that tilts toward the negative, separate and isolated. There is no trust or connection. Fear is reliant on ego-centrism and keeps one in patterns which fuel the false self (ego).

The underlying emotion of all negative emotions is fear. It is the foundation of all emotions that leave us feeling separate from Source energy. To reconnect with love, one must stop focusing on self and focus on service.

The Voice of the Ego Versus the Soul

  • The ego is logical, mind-oriented energy, it lives in the past or the future. Soul is creative, based on the present moment and it lives in communion with the divine and lives with the pull of the soul rather than the push of the ego.
  • The ego is fear based. The ego always questions and doubts. It wonders will I survive, will I be accepted etc. Soul is based in love, it is trust, surrender and faith. The more one opens to faith the more miracles occur in life. Guidance from the soul is given one step at a time.
  • The ego sounds harsh. It is critical, judgmental and there are many “should” in its language. Intuition/love/soul is neutral. It receives messages on a steady and consistent basis without judgment.
  • The ego is self-serving. Whereas, the soul feels the need to serve others.

 

“The moment you have no fear, when you are fearless and revenge less, you are the living God.” – Yogi Bhajan

 

To Overcome Fear Writing Exercise:

  • Expose the fear, write it down, tell someone about it.
  • Face the discomfort, feel it and allow yourself to be vulnerable (the ego wants to hide- expose it) .
  • Witness what is happening, observe the sensations
  • Embrace the fear, and make a commitment to move past it
  • See all of the possibilities (what other options there are) and see the insanity of the fear.
  • Call in love- Forgive yourself and express gratitude and compassion.

Techniques to Manage Fear:

  • Pranayama: strengthen the Pranic body to keep the energy balance in the body so that one is not overcome with stress, anxiety and fear.
  • Focusing on service rather than on ones own gains. (help’s to release feelings of pressure and self importance)
  • Observe the sensations in the body and maintaining a neutral state of mind through meditation. Accept whatever arises. As well, noticing where fear is being held in the body and use the breath to release it.
  • Practice mindfulness and awareness to become aware of what fears are causing disruption in your life and what your triggers are.
  • When fear grips the body, practice long deep breathing to release the anxiety.
  • Do something everyday that scares you and brings you out of your comfort zone.

Here is a 3 minute meditation you can do whenever you want to help release fear:

 

 

The Importance of Reflection

There is a time for everything in life: Action and Inaction.

When we are in the midst of rapid change, frustration, major events it can seem that its crazy-madness; but there is order in the chaos. It takes a moment to step out of it, take some perspective and re-evaluate whats really happening. But that usually doesn’t happen when its happening (unless we are a super yogi…). And that’s okay.

We are humans and we were born to make mistakes. Its one of the main  ways to learn. The important thing is that once life has settled we take a moment to pause, breath and take in what happened. As much action there is, there needs to be the polarity of relaxation, of revaluation and contemplation. If we are constantly moving and never take  time to take in the sights then we miss the point of life. Life happens in the simple, in the little moments and its not about the end, its about how we got there.; Its about the experience learned, the conversations we had and the difficulties we over came along the way.

Radical self love, self forgiveness is a must and it takes patience and work to get there. To love ourselves as much as we love others, the divine etc. To forgive ourselves when we lost our footing, our head amongst the noise and say to ourselves ” It’s okay, I can do better next time”. We can be our worst enemy or our best friend. It is important to develop a strong and good relationship with ourselves because lets face it, you are with yourself 24/7. It takes practice but every time we take a moment after the fact to evaluate what happened and what we could do better the next time, it makes us better. It opens our minds and lets us see different perspectives. It creates space for change. 

No need to judge, criticize, or put ourselves or others down. See yourself and others a small child, although the body has grown we are just as sensitive and vulnerable as when we were younger. Acknowledge what happened and move forward with acceptance, gratitude for the lesson and with optimism. Life will throw everything it can at us, but its how we deal with it that creates character and a legacy.

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